Letting you go

How times have we heard our friends telling us to dump him? To just let him go.. yet we are still hanging on. Even me, myself, have attempted to give advise to my gfs who were hopelessly in love with a loser. A guy who is only with her either for sex, money or just plain bored with his own single life. Well... we wonder what makes this women want to still stay with such a man, who inflicts abuse, be it emotional or physical on their woman, use them as a walking ATM or even just collects them as another one of their trophy gfs.

I speak on behalf of these women. I do know how they feel and what they are going through. It is not that they are weak women. No. Some of them are highly educated, confident and beautiful. They could get just any man out there who is a million times better than this loser. But they choose to suffer with the one they love oh so dearly.

Such a sad story happens to me too. I met him way back in college. I fell in love with him the moment our eyes met. We dated. Had our first kiss. And it all ended within a blink of an eye. Reason being, he was taken. He was not single as what he claimed he was. But our path crossed again 5 years later. And that when it all started. A real ordeal that haunt me till now.

But i would not say i wasted my time. LIke what someone close to me once said, if you love him, you have to accept him for who he is. And that means living each day knowing he is out with someone else, lying to you and even cheating on you. You cannot blame him for not changing. People do not change overnight.

Well..I used to blame him all the time, for treating me like his alternative, or second best. But now, i no longer do. I blame myself. I chose this path. I chose to be with him no matter what. But i just could not take the package that comes with this. He is who he is. His has a strong interest for women. And due to this infatuation, he has to lie all the time. Hence, women and lying are apart of him. I acknowledge that, yet i blame him whenever he does it. I know of his current state. I am still the other woman. I accept her presence in his life. Even to give him time to clear that up. What i cannot endure is the fact that he chose not to acknowledge this problem of his. He still believes lying is the best escape route.

Baby, i have been patient. And i accept all your flaws. All i ask for is your honesty and acceptance. Do embrace this weakness you have. And together we can overcome it. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes and we learn from it. But, you must ask yourself if you DO want to change. You often make me feel as if i am just a passing phase. You are still searching for THE ONE. If that is the case, all my sacrifices are only a waste of time. I could have moved on. And knowing you, you never say "end". You will leave it hanging rather than to say it is over between us. That is just plain selfish and you know it. I said many a times, if you are still unsure of who you want to spend your life with, whom you love actually, and whom you are happy with, Just stay single and date as many as you want. No exclusivity. And then decide and commit to her. That is fair to both parties.

Stop running away from your problems. From your woes. Face them. End it if it is not going to work. Do not drag the matter. Maybe we both need some time apart. And consider wat is best. I have thought things through. There are things about me that i have to change and i appreciate our separation as a time to do just that. Things between us just cannot work. And i have to learn to accept that. We tried and tried but we failed all the time. It is time to move on. Both you and me.

But i will never regard what we had as a failure. It was the best memories i can have with you. Even though the time was short, i never NOT had the best times. My love for you was sincere and true. And i will always love you. I am still here for you whenever you need me. But as friends. All i wish is you change and realise before it is too late.

Do take care wherever you are. And i wish you all the best for your future career in the new job and also your love life.

These are the words i wish he could hear. Despite the long hrs i waited for him, cold n hungry, i did not regret knowing him. I did not regret to say he was my bf. He is the guy i love and will always be. No matter what.

Now that you have read my story, can you see what i mean? My friends and family have given up trying to talk me out of this. He took me for granted and i know it. He left me hanging., have fun with some chick, and came back when he had enough fun. And each time, i welcomed him back. And he knows i will. I am no longer as firm as i used to be. Sigh.. why god am i like this?? I prayed each day to just have the strength to walk away. But somehow i know i cannot. I am not string enough. All i want is him. And all i need is for him to tell me he needs me too. And mean it. He is the love of my life. And i secretly wish i am too. But, love sometimes do not go ur way. It may not be returned. And it is the case for me.

My life. My love story. A typical case of Love is blind. No one says love is all rosy and lovely. Love hurts. It is the worse pain you can get, cos there is never a cure for heartbreak. Only time. And with time, i hope my pain will go away too.